sheisshe ☺

Im really in a mood of writing. But this internet connection is so damn slow !!!
So I have to write from tumblr from iphone *sigh*
I just watched one of not much inspirational and high quality tv show here.
Today’s episode shows to us, how many people, they are not rich, they don’t have have enough money for school, but they want to school.
Today’s episode shows us too, those people who have a really beautiful heart. They’re a volunteer teacher or made a college without a huge budget. And in this college there are a lot of people’s background. There are a cleaning service, labour, and many else. This is just make me realised that I have to use my time effectively. I should use this chance. So, I’ve been finished to write the “Life’s key” by me. Maybe this is not a huge movement for you, but for me this is huge because I tried to finish it a long time ago and I just cant finished it.
Hmm, I really want to warn my self to be more serious now. I know that we just live life for once and we don’t have a second chance.
So, what I have to do now is make sure myself to do the life’s key ☺
Bye-bye

Sometimes I wish I was you clothes
You’d never miss a day without me
You’ll always have to think about me
Sometimes I wish I could be your bed
See you sleeping smile, and I cover you every night
Sometimes I wish I could be your guitar
You talk to me everyday and i speak back to you like this

And if it never happens to me it’s alright
If it never comes to me I’ll be fine
If it never happens to me I’m alright
If it never comes to me
I will still be your beating heart

Someday I wish I could be stars
We both know I won’t fall
Even when you don’t think about me
Maybe i don’t know what you say about me
When i don’t think about you
Sometimes I wish I could be strings
You bend me up and down
And I speak back to you even if I don’t have to

I’m happy with my family.
Even though I have a lot things to be complain for.
Yeah. I know that I have to be grateful. And yes, I’m grateful for them.
But I’m not perfect. I will know if everything is not going how it supposed to be.
And I feel it. I felt it long long times ago.
Maybe you usually heard when your parents said that “We love you all. We love you all equally.”
You know? I never believe that words.
I know that my parents love me. But not equal with my brothers and sister.
Sometimes I think that maybe I’m a stepchildren here.
That feelings come unconsciously.
The simple thing but explain everything for me is just the way they look to me and my bro/sis.
For me, it’s clear.
If they talked to me, they never enthusiast like when they talk to them.
If they teach me, they never patiently like when they teach them.
If I ask something, it’s rarely to be granted. But if they asked for something, most of it would be granted.
I tried to not think like that. But it’s hard.
Maybe it’s the reason why I took this major.
Maybe it’s the reason why I have different hobbies than them.
Maybe it’s the reason why I loved to be social activist, I think that’s my passion.
and the other things that happened now, maybe it’s the reason.
I believe that yourself now is what happened in the past time. I mean, every single thing that happened in your past, build your character now, more or less, it affect your life now.
So, now.. I have to calm myself down. I have to stop or reduce to thinking like that.
I have to be more grateful than what I do now.
I have to realize that maybe it’s because myself too. Maybe I’ve done something that makes them not love me as much as I hope.
hmm, and the way I do that can calm me down and encourage me is read this words, I repeated this words until I feel calm..
“The more you get, the more you have to be responsible for.. The more you have, the more you have to be responsible for.”

☺☺☀

When there is love, I can’t wait to talk about it
When things get rough, I like to walk with you
Or when it’s night, I like to be the light that’s missing
And remind you every minute of the future isn’t written
Not yet

When there is love, or when the heart feels heavy
We can lighten it up, if you’ve had enough
Well you can empty your glass and we can fill it back up
You know it’s up to us to make it all up
So what you making up? I can make it up back
You could be loved no matter what
And know the only time is right now, it’s right well where you are
You don’t need a vacation when there’s nothing to escape from

Singing
La la la la
Let’s all sing
Hallelujah
Everything is sound

Let’s sing to be happy, to feel things, to communicate, be heard
We sing out to protest, and to project, and to harmonize with birds
Whether it’s your birthday, or your dying day
It’s a celebration too
Rejoice to use your voice, and give wings to any your choice
Whatever you’re choosing right now, it’s right well where you are
You don’t need a vacation when there’s nothing to escape from

Set your vibration and undulation to the hightest it can go
And trust me, hear me
If it makes you wanna sing
Just sing it

La la la la
Let’s all sing
La la la la
Everything is sound
La la la la
Let’s all sing
La la
Hallelujah

It’s a song that i’ve forgotten often
It doesn’t make me wrong
Cause we all need the darkness, to see the light
In our own eyes, come on, and sing it

La la la la
Let’s all sing
La la la la
Everything is sound
La la la la
Let’s all sing
Hallelujah
We’re connected now
La la la la
Let’s all sing
Hallelujah
Everything is sound
La la la
Let’s all sing
Hallelujah
We’re connected now

Gue bukan penulis.
Gue bukan pengamat ataupun analis olahraga.
Gue bukan politikus.
Gue cuma rakyat biasa, anak muda, yang mungkin belum memiliki sumbangsih apapun buat negara ini.
Sebenernya gue pengen banget dan rindu banget ngeliat dimana kita semua yang tentunya memiliki keyakinan, kepercayaan, dan kecintaan yang berbeda-beda, bisa bersatu tanpa berantem.
Bersatu bukan berarti pendapatnya sama lho ya. Atau bersatu bukan berarti keduanya harus meleburkan pendapat, cintanya, dan keyakinannya menjadi satu.
Bersatu yang gue maksud cuma ga berantem doang kok.
Lo boleh punya pendapat masing-masing. Lo boleh punya cinta masing-masing. Lo boleh punya keyakinan masing-masing. Lo boleh punya kesenangan masing-masing. Itu hak lo, begitu juga gue.
Terus. Masa iya kita semua harus punya pendapat yang sama? Harus seneng sama hal yang sama? Ah ga asik ah.
Gue sedih sama orang yang ngomong atau yang bangga kalo abis berantem karena maksain pendapatnya.
Lo boleh bela keyakinan lo, tapi ga maksain juga kan.
Gue akuin, gue belum expert dalam hal keberagaman ini. Cuma sedih aja, ngeliat kita ini mudah banget berantem. Dikit-dikit berantem, dikit-dikit berantem.
Iya sih, kalo emosi emang susah nahan buat ga berantem.
Tapi menurut pendapat dari gue yang amatir, kalo kita lebih bisa menghargai orang lain dan pendapatnya, ga bakalan emosi kok :)
Atau setidaknya keyakinan kita, kalau kita yakin kita benar, dan orang lain itu salah yaudah cukup ngasih tau ke orang itu. Kalau ga mau didengerin, ya hak dia dong ya? :)
Gue sedih juga, gimana orang-orang bisa dengan bangganya atau dengan senangnya pake kata-kata kasar saat ngutarain pendapatnya :(
Kata-katanya penuh dengan kosakata nama-nama hewan.
Gue akuin, gue kalo lg emosi suka ngumpat dengan nama hewan. Gue sering manggil adik gue dengan ‘nyet’. But I tried to fix it.
Nyokap gue selalu marahin gue kalo manggil adek gue dengan sebutan ‘nyet’. Ga sopan katanya.
Cuma gue sedih lho ya, kalo baca di twitter, misalnya ada si A, yang ga setuju dengan pendapat si B.. langsung deh ngomong gini, “Ah, sok tau lo, nji*g. Tau apa sih lo. Lo itu cuma sampah. blablabla..”
Lo bahkan mungkin ga kenal dia siapa lho yah. Masa ngata-ngatain gitu banget :(
Gue jauh dari sempurna. Dan mungkin gue pernah atau sering ngelakuin hal yang sama. Tapi, setidaknya gue coba buat lebih baik. Tekad gue itu jadi lebih dari yang kemaren.
Gue tau, banyak orang bakalan nyinyir, nganggep gue naif, atau bahkan munafik.
Ga papa kok. Itu pendapat lo :)
Oh iya, gue juga sedih sama bentrokan yang terjadi antara suporter klub-klub olahraga.
Gue ini bukan pengamat, atau analis.
Gue cuma seorang penikmat yang kebetulan menggemari nonton pertandingan-pertandingan olahraga.
Gue disini ga berniat ngebela siapapun. Ga berniat nyalahin siapapun juga sih.
Tapi, kalo sampe berantem apalagi ada yang tewas gara-gara masalah ini, kan sayang banget :(
Gue ga tau banyak soal atau secara mendalam tentang cabang-cabang olahraga yang sering gue nonton, sepakbola, basket, F1, motoGP, atau bulutangkis.
Gue cuma senang aja ngeliatnya.
Dan jujur, gue terharu banget pas waktu Fabrice Muamba kolaps waktu pertandingan antara Tottenham Hotspur vs Bolton Wanderers.
Disitu gue terharu karena pertandingan berhenti dan semuanya larut dalam suasana yang sama. Semuanya berdoa dan berharap yang terbaik untuk Muamba. Ga terkecuali pemain dan fans Spurs. Mungkin ini sederhana banget, tapi bagi gue, disitulah namanya sportivitas, disitulah esensi kita sebagai manusia. Kita mungkin punya dan cinta tim yang berbeda, tapi ga harus berantem kan? Ga harus benci mereka kan?
Kita ini punya akal budi, sesuatu yang membuat kita harusnya bisa mikir dengan jernih.
Klise emang. Tapi itu benar.
Kadang-kadang kita juga sering bercanda yang menurut orang lain ato orang yang dibecandain itu keterlaluan.
Mungkin menurut kita itu tidak. Karena apa yang menurut kita baik, belum tentu buat orang lain juga baik.
Gue juga mungkin pernah atau sering keterlaluan sama temen atau orang lain dalam bicara atau bercanda. Gue pengen minta maaf.
Mungkin gue pernah atau sering nyakitin hati kalian gue juga minta maaf.
Gue sedih banget hari ini. Gue sedih ngeliat ada yang berantem, ada yang maksain pendapatnya sampe ngancem-ngancem yang lemah/minoritas. Gue sedih ngeliat yang mayoritas sok berkuasa dan semena-mena terhadap minoritas.
Gue mungkin belum bisa buat apa-apa supaya orang lain ngurangin atau memberhentikan itu.
Tapi, gue berusaha setidaknya dari gue sendiri untuk mengurangi dan berhenti melakukan hal-hal menyedihkan itu.

PS :
* Tulisan ini gue buat bukan untuk mendiskreditkan siapa-siapa atau kelompok tertentu. Bukan untuk mempengaruhi siapa-siapa. Bukan untuk menjatuhkan siapa-siapa atau kelompok tertentu. Cuma pengen ngutarain isi hati yang susah buat diungkapkan selain ditulis disini. Maaf kalo ada yang tersinggun atau tersakiti dengan tulisan gue. Ini murni curhatan kok ☺☺ *

cholesterol. fuck you.
I argued with my mom and my dad. It’s all because this fucking cholesterol.
They said I should change my eating pattern. I told them, this situation here is not let me to eat all the healthy food.
Those food here is full of fried meat or fatty things or oily things.
So what would I eat?
Honestly, I’m shocked when I heard it. And I can’t endure my tears to fall down.
I don’t want to sick. I want to eat all the healthy foods. But what should I eat?
I can’t cook here. Become a boarders people not letting you live with the healthy patterns.
Maybe and I think I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna eat one apple everyday and full of drinking water.
The other thing I’ll eat just fruits. I’m not gonna eat meat everyday, just eat fruits or maybe vegetables. And maybe at the weekend I’ll eat some meat. Just one day in a week.
I hope this fucking cholesterol will go down. I don’t want to be a heart attack patient.
I’m just 18 for the fuck sake.
shit. damn. I’m totally angry with this.
I’m just planned to eat some pancakes and sausages tomorrow. But I think it’ll still be a plans.
errr…. I should stop to write now before I write all the trash words.